No More French!

 Ok, that title may seem a bit harsh, I have no problems with french. In fact, I've been speaking it since I was a toddler and my bilingualism is a basic part of who I am. What I'm not so at ease with is taking french literature classes as part of my vet tech program.

 The great news is that I found out that the vet tech program is offered at a Vanier College. Not only is this an english CEGEP, but it's in Montreal and accessible by public transportation. Of course, every silver lining has it's cloud, I now have to re-take 4 high school chemistry and math classes in order to be competetive in my CEGEP application. Oh well. I have a meeting at the end of the month with an adult education center near my house and will likely be starting these classes in April. I'm secretly excited to get a do-over for these classes anyway. In high school I was pretty unmotivated by sciences. It's only after university that I've developed an interest in nature and how it all works. I had ridiculously bad grades and I'm convinced that I can do better this time around.

  The hardest part of all this is that it's going to take up 4 nights a week, which is huge for someone like me who is used to having all her time. The good thing though, is that it'll force me to get the work done at a good pace. Once I get down to working I can be very productive but when it's up to me to set my schedule, like it was when I was taking the correspondence classes, it always seems like there's something more pressing to do than school. I'm not sure yet exactly how attendance works at these adult night classes though. Maybe you're not forced to go each night of the week. All I know is that there's a tutor sitting in on the "class" to answer your questions but other than that it's independent learning, no teacher. I don't even think that all the people in the class with you are even taking the same class that you are. Also, the classes are set up as many modules with a test after each one. This means no cramming for final exams. phew!

  Can't wait!

Things Looking Up

Wow, I think the wave of despair has passed for the rest of the month. I had my tests last week. Normal results for the ultrasound and the hysterosalpingographe, just waiting for the results from the blood tests. My husband is getting his tests this week too so... good! At least we're doing something. As long as I'm actively participating in this not being pregnant thing I can deal.

 Chalet weekend with friends will do me some good. I think it's the first time we're going away just the old climbing gang. Sometimes I wonder if I regret not climbing anymore. I think I regret not being able to will myself to drive all that way. I still can't make myself do it though.

  My new thing, walking to work and listening to silly teen fiction audiobooks. 5.75km goes by in no time when there are werewolves and vampires along for the ride no?

  I hope I can keep this up and curb the binge junk food/wine habit a little. I'd really like to be in better shape. It sounds like a cliché but I don't think there's any point to deny being body obsessed when you are. Even if it makes me less of a strong, confident woman, I still would be lying if I denied it. I look down and I don't like what I see. Seriously, is there  any angle more unflattering than looking straight down at your belly? I feel like I'm going to have to be concave before I stop thinking I'm huge.

  I've started a new philosophy class and I think it's going to be fun. The only problem I often run into is the fact that I abhor putting into words what I think the author meant by what he wrote. I suck at it! But I somehow still don't mind trying. This is the 2nd philosophy class of 3 and I did pretty badly (75%) so my goal is to get 80% on this one. Baby steps. It's not easy to start studying again after 10 years. Especially when it comes to something that isn't a passion. I wish my veterinary technician course didn't have all these general courses lumped in with the vet stuff.

Dreaming of Those College Days

   Another reason I feel like my life is on hold right now is that I'm planning a career change but it's crawling along at such a slow pace that I feel like I'm standing still. A career change at 31 is not as simple as it would have been if I'd decided this 10 years ago. I've got a house, car and a husband who just started his own business so, like it or not, I'm going to have to be patient until I'm "sure" school won't put too much strain on our lives. It's the "our" part really. Another complication is that the program I want to enroll in (I want to be a vet tech) includes classes that can't be taken by pregnant women. I'm one of those people who don't like to think too long about something before doing it. Once I've decided that it's what I want I go for it. Now, I have to wait until I get pregnant, have a baby, take a year's maternity leave and then go back to school.

   On good days I try to convince myself that all the waiting in my life is going to help me develop patience that I'm self admittedly lacking at the moment. So far striding through life with the attention span and patience of a three year old hasn't been that bad for me but when I do end up having children and even going back to school I'm going to need to act like a grown up, focus and take some deep breaths.

   On bad days, like today, I give in to my frustration and pout until I start to feel ridiculous. Then I tell myself that I need a hobby.

  In reality my school goal is slowly getting started. I've got a bunch of general classes that are part of my eventual Vet Tech program and I've decided to do them by correspondence. I've finished three out of 12 so far and I have to say it's keeping me quite busy. 

   I should just keep in mind that one day I'm going to look back on this time in my life and wonder why I was in such a hurry. For now I'll trudge on in my current job and wait...just wait.